Creating Love. How can we think we know someone so well and admit in the end that we hardly knew that person at all? Why do many people who work diligently and strenuously to gain wholeness and balance still feel so frustrated about having a fulfilling relationship? Why have so many people given up on love? Now, in Creating Love , he offers us a new way to understand our most crucial relationships—with our romantic partners and spouses, with our parents and children, with friends and co-workers, with ourselves, and with God.
Here he provides both the insights and the precise tools we need to keep those destructive patterns from repeating in the present. And then he shows how we can open ourselves to the soul-building work of real love—and create healthy, loving relationships where we can be fully ourselves in every part of our lives. Keep Reading. Under the Cover An excerpt from Creating Love.
I was, like most young teenage boys, obsessed with thoughts about sex.
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This was, of course, raw objectification and unhealthy male chauvinism. What inevitably happened, to our amazement, was that the shapely woman was accompanied by an unshapely, and to our mind, unattractive partner. It was also astonishing to me how many handsome men came in with very plain partners. This is a rather raw, physical, almost primitive example, but it was my first impression of what I am calling the bafflement of love.
When I started dating I was often bewildered by the strange reversals that could take place in the course of an evening. I can remember starting out on a date full of excitement and vitality, and having it end in harsh words and door-slamming separation. Trying to reconstruct the sequence of events was never enlightening.
I always felt confused, sad, and lonely. Years later, I came to see that human beings live out the drama of their relational lives motivated by feeling and desire rather than by logical assessment. When it comes to love, reason is not our guiding light.
In over twenty years of marriage counseling, I rarely saw a marriage where the partners could have been predicted. Love is not logical.
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This is one reason it baffles us. In almost every case I dealt with as a counselor the spouses had made the seemingly illogical choice of marrying someone who had the undesirable character traits of one or both of their parents. They were repeating the destructive relationships they had in childhood. Another baffling aspect of love is our hatefulness with loved ones. I have often been the most hateful and mean with the people I love the most. After I married, I can remember driving home, vowing to be sweet and loving no matter what, and then walking in the house and immediately saying something critical.
Afterward I would feel terrible about what I did or said. A week or so later I would do it again. What a joyous occasion!
The dinner toasts the night before, the beautiful maids-in-waiting, the bridegroom, the flowers, Jill herself in her shimmering dress. I had counseled them during the year of their engagement. I had some serious reservations about their getting married, but no two people were more truly in love, I thought. Jill was radiant.
She had started therapy, and she went at it with the excitement of a child exploring the world. Jack and Jill said they were happier than they had ever been. They seemed happy. After two years of intensely dramatic conflict, affairs, and an unsuccessful attempt at annulment, Jack and Jill divorced. I remember how confused Jill was at the very end. What happened? How could this happen?
Creating Love: The Next Great Stage of Growth by John Bradshaw
Why have so many people given up on love? Here he provides both the insights and the precise tools we need to keep those destructive patterns from repeating in the present. And then he shows how we can open ourselves to the soul-building work of real love—and create healthy, loving relationships where we can be fully ourselves in every part of our lives. The following ISBNs are associated with this title:.